I decided it was time to blog about our journey. Maybe it's because everyone else seems to blog, but mostly because this is an experience everyone asks us about. Call it therapy, my mother always said I enjoyed writing down my feelings.
...16 months ago we started out as any normal couple trying to conceive a child, however our journey turned into the path of most resistance.
Unless you've been here, fully experienced what it feels like to be labeled as a "couple with unexplained infertility", unless you have strapped yourself in and felt the ups and downs, the disappointments, the anxiety, the frustration that comes with each failed cycle, no one can tell someone in our position they understand. People mean well, but no one can possibly begin empathize. It's a journey you wouldn't wish on your worst foe. With that said, we have a huge support from friends and family. They may at times walk lightly around the subject, but they all have an amazing understand of just being there for us and avoid tell us "it's okay" or "it'll happen someday" or my personal favorite "as soon as you stop trying and relax, you'll get pregnant".
Others might question what something like this does to a marriage. My mother in law said it best when she told me she sees Jason and I as an Oak Tree with its roots growing further into the ground to see us through this challenge. I couldn't have said it better myself. I have gained such respect for my husband through this and in return he given me unconditional love and support.
So, where are we today? With 4 failed IUI attempts and perfected timing in the bedroom we are still without good tidings. Our trust in our OBGYN, Dr. G, led us to really consider IVF (In-vitro Fertilization). After 4 weeks of research, a seminar and faithful prayer we decided to move forward with the procedure. When you're faced with a decision like this, you don't realize everything you must consider. Blood work, paperwork, a psych evaluation, testing (as if we haven't had enough testing over the past year), I was put on birth control pills. That's right, to have a child one must first go on birth control...go figure. Oh...did I mention the paperwork???
Three days ago we began our first round of injectable medications. With my fear of needles, Jason has the honor of waking me every morning to a syringe filled with 10 units of something....did I mention when our meds first arrived and we spread them out, they took up our entire kitchen table? It was a tad overwhelming to say the least and I even felt a little worried about everything I would be subjecting my body to. Every morning, every evening...my skin is subjected to injections. I'm sure Jason does not like his role in all of this, but he really does try his best to administer everything without an "ouch" coming from my mouth.
I wish I could at least pronounce the medication I'm taking throughout this process. Things like: Menopur, Bravelle, Chorionic Gonadotropin, Metronidazole, Dexamethasone, Methylprendisolone, Doxxcycline...this is to name only a FEW. I feel like a walking pharmacy...better yet a human pin cushion.
We're told our odds are great....so great, they entered us into a "Warranty Program". Can you believe it? There is such a thing as warrantied conception with live birth. Amazing. If after three complete attempts no success, we are fully refunded and that's a pretty nice lump of change. With my ripe young age of 32 and being very healthy our chances of a live birth are great with a higher "Blessing" (even though the actual term is "risk") of multiples. At least until then, I have friends fortunate enough to provide me with my baby fixes. Their newborns are adorable and remind me this journey is well worth it.
I can ramble some useful cliche, but something better comes to mind. Proverbs 16:9 "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps". In the end, Jason and I believe our path is in the hands of God...it's just hard to remember in challenges like these.
We're scheduled to have our first egg retrieval at the end of this month. Before then more ultra sounds, more injections, more pills and great expectations will ensue.
....and so the journal continues.
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